Connecting as Self Care: The Missing Piece to Your Self Care Routine

If you’ve been on IG for as little as 4 minutes today, you’re aware that today is #InternationalSelfCareDay and while I am tired of what self care has become and the way capitalism has done what it does best and capitalized on our need for self care, I’m overjoyed with the people that are trying to take it and flip it back on its head and make self care something productive.

In an effort to think outside of the box, I am considering ways to make my self care less of a solitary event.


A few months ago during a bit of a rough time I decided to ramp up my self care to help manage stress and find healing. I was doing it all, meditating, face masks, journaling, you name it. I felt better but still not great. and when I popped my headphones out and rose from my guided meditations, I realized I had not made a single new connection in months and my existing friendships were struggling! I had made self care a solo act when at times, the most healing self care comes from fellowship and community!

BUT GIRL! Making friends is HARD! Maintaining relationships is work! And to be honest, a lot of my desire to self-care in the confines of my own home was fear of connecting with new people and getting rejected. However, there is more to be gained in those new and rekindled connections. Does any of this sound familiar? Are you drinking tea and face masking as a form of self care or as a form of self isolation? It’s time to put the pens down, you’ve journaled enough! Do the real work and look at what might be holding you back from making those connections and leveling up your journey. These are a few things you may need to overcome so you can make make more real life connections:

You don’t feel interesting enough

One of the biggest things that kept me in my room instead of going to panels and brunches was the fact that I felt like I had nothing interesting to share. Living in NYC I felt (and still feel) surrounded by the elite. Everyone graduated from a big name universities and worked for huge corporations with sexy sounding job titles while I was from a random school in the Midwest struggling to find my footing at the beginnings of my career. So what does one do? Try to expand yourself. It doesn’t have to be your career, in fact most people are relieved when the conversation doesn’t start with “So, what do you do?” or “I work for so and so” Work on finding interesting talking points. Be the person who can find a common interest with anybody. If you love music, stay up on new album releases, read as much as possible critiquing your favorite artists and form sophisticated opinions. Work on becoming an expert on what new restaurants are in the area and go to them. Current events is any easy one! most people are aware when something is happening in the world but don’t want to synthesize it in a digestible fashion. If it interests you, be that person, girl! Know that whatever already interests you, will interested someone else, too.

You’re genuinely shy

This is a tough one. Shyness can take a lifetime to over come and arguably, we don’t all need to. A solution maybe to find another group of introverts to connect with (which can obviously be challenging but just know that you aren’t the only one sitting at that networking event hating every minute of it) If that isn’t enough for you, there are tons of books and articles designed to help you overcome extreme shyness. And if self research isn’t enough and you’re still not able to connect with other people due to shyness, professional help is always an option.

You’re “intimidating”

Soooooo many people believe this. “I always have a lot going on, and people are intimidated by that” “People say I look mean but I’m really a nice girl” Stop blaming your resting bitch face and stop resting on this idea! Are that many people intimidated enough by you to avoid being friends? Or are you leaning on that as an excuse to not make valuable connections? Don’t be stuck in the mindset that you’re somehow too awesome to make friends. There are tons of amazing people with amazing things going for them and they are still able to form deep and meaningful connections. Snap out of it! One of my favorite pod-casters Myleik Teele commented on this in a recent episode of her show, so if you don’t believe me, listen to her.

This #InternationalSelfCareDay challenge yourself to follow up with someone instead of soaking in the tub, send a text to someone you haven’t seen in a while instead of journaling solo, look for a live event to attend instead of meditating. Reforming what self care looks like should be a goal for us all! I love a good night of skin care and hot tea but aren’t those things more fun with a friend? ! Healing alone is one thing, but healing collectively is more effective.

I really hope you got something out of this! If you did, drop a comment below AND make sure you are subscribed to my newsletter! You will be the first to know when a new post goes up, and you will have access to exclusive content!

Keep going and keep growing,

xo Portia

Portia Brown8 Comments